~Chapter 1~
“To the left a bit… No… To the left…” she whined in unsatisfied irritation.
Great, how am I supposed to concentrate on this now that I have that fucking song in my head? I thought to myself as I propped myself more comfortably on my elbows.
I hated doing this.
Clits, lips and juice.
I hated it, hated it all.
Where the hell those romance authors came up with the notion that pussy juice tasted ‘sweet as honey,’ was beyond me.
“Jasper, are you paying attention?” she panted frustratingly and I couldn’t give a shit. And no, I really wasn’t paying attention.
“I’m sorry, Maggie, but I just can’t get into it,” I groaned out as I detached my swollen lips from her lower lips and came up for some much needed air.
Damn woman always tried to suffocate me while I was down there, I swear she did. I could see my death certificate now: Cause of Death: Drowned in orgasmic flood.
It would have been slightly more appealing, if I could use that word, if I didn’t have to use a weed whacker to get to the right spot. I don’t think she’d ever shaved or waxed down there and it resembled either the burning bush or the Amazon rain forest. Let’s go with the rainforest…because it was definitely sticky, hot and unchartered with who knows what lurking in its depths.
“Well, maybe if you worked a little less instead of doing all of those stupid digs, you wouldn’t be so tired and we could actually enjoy ourselves,” she huffed as she reached for her rabbit.
Ourselves?
Yeah right. I can’t remember the last time I actually enjoyed myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I got it up, I pumped, I got off, but I didn’t enjoy myself.
“Are you listening to me?”
Nag, nag, nag….
Are we really having this conversation while she’s playing with herself right next to me?
Slurp
Squick
Glop
Jesus Christ…the sounds coming from between her legs as she shoved that piece of plastic between them was making me nauseous!
I really wanted to say that I wasn’t listening to her, but she would only go and cry to my mom and then I would have shit for the next week from dad about the moral strength of the family home being on the shoulders of the man. Cue the eye roll.
Christ, we weren’t even married yet and I was getting marriage advice!
“I think we need to see a professional,” she finally whimpered out as she came, sounding very similar to next door’s cat… in heat.
“Maggie, how about we actually get married before we start hitting the therapists?”
Trust me, we’d need to then. Medication might even be needed.
“I’m not talking about a therapist, Jasper, I mean a sexual expert.”
And that my dear friend, is how I ended up coming face to face with a tattooed, pierced and fucking hot male sex shop owner.
~Chapter 2~
EPOV
“Sweat baby, sweat baby. Sex is a Texas drought. Me and you do the kind of stuff. That only Prince would sing about. So put your hands down my pants. And I bet you'll feel nuts. Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert. And you're getting two thumbs up. You've had enough of two-hand touch. You want it rough, you're out of bounds. I want you smothered, want you covered. Like my Waffle House hash browns. Comin' quicker than Fed Ex. Never reach an apex. Just like Coca-Cola stock. You are inclined to make me rise an hour early. Just like daylight savings time…”
Swaying, popping and grinding my hips, I happily juggled and bounced the toys about in my hands as I stocked the shelves. Since I was alone in the store I decided to have some fun and test out some more of the new merchandise I’d ordered. I slowly peeled back the wrapping from the realistic fleshy strap on dong in my hands and I ran my tongue around it. Then I sucked it down into my throat.
Well fuck me, they weren’t lying in their advertising. Damn thing really did taste like bananas!
Cool…I’d be able to sell a lot of these bad boys. I set it aside to add to the special toy box in my office and reached for the next item in the box.
Today was a good day, I could just feel it. Or that might be the new beads I was trying out.
There was no shitty news on the radio when I drove to work, the weather was fine and there wasn’t even a line at the coffee house.
It also didn’t hurt that I woke up with a glorious hard on thanks to the new alarm clock butt plug I’d slept in. Yeah, that fucker started vibrating at 6:45 on the nose, just as I’d programmed it to. All I had to do was pull my knees up, clench my ass and tweak my nipples and my day started with a hands free O.
Totally having a good day.
“You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals. So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Do it again now. You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals. So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. Gettin' horny…”
I turned around on the spot and threw a double ended vibrator in the air and missed catching it as I watched a couple, watching me, while they stood in the door way of the shop.
Okay, so today would not be totally good day.
I slowly removed the ear buds from my ears and stopped the music. Of course the timer I’d set on the beads went off at that moment sending an electric tingle against my prostate.
“Yeah… Sorry about that, welcome to The Lion’s Den, how can I help you?” I stuttered slowly, trying not to groan at the sensations in my backside, as I saw the fire red headed woman smirk at me and the fuck hot young man blush.
I cocked my head to the side as I looked them over. Did she lick a light socket? Maybe I should get her the name of my hair dresser? Seriously…red frizz everywhere. Now, blondie was another story. Yeah, his clothes were a bit preppy for my taste with his sweater vest thing and that button up shirt…but maybe if he added a pair of glasses…
Oh yeah, he could totally fulfill my naughty schoolboy fantasy.
“Well, we came for some, like, advice on spicing up our sex life, but I’d take that, like, show you just put on anytime time of the day,” she cooed and I felt my dick shrivel back up inside me. Quite a feat considering the beads were now enlarging and shrinking in a pulsing motion deep inside me. Breathe E…it’s only for thirty seconds…5, 4, 3, 2…relief.
“Hmm, well that’s normally only available for a select few,” I replied with a sexy smirk as I cast my eyes over her silent partner. “So anyway, what do you have in mind?” I finished off talking and placed the last of the DP dildos on the rack.
“Well, Jazzy here works long hours, so by the time he gets home he’s, like, too tired to do much, so I just thought we could, like, get a few things to speed up the process a bit,” she giggled and I wanted to hurl.
Speed up the process? Since when was sex a ‘process’? My heart went out to the poor schmuck who seemed to be missing his leash.
‘Jazzy’ looked like his eyes were going to bounce out of his head and hit the floor by her statement and I wasn’t too far behind him.
Hmmm, now there’s a thought.
What I did pick up on from her statement, once I filtered out the ‘like’ abuse, was that it seemed very one sided. She was all for HER pleasure and instant gratification.
I wondered what Jazzy had to say about all of this.
Jazzy? Really?
Well, I am the expert and this poor guy definitely needs my help. I puffed up my chest, clenched my ass and adjusted myself. What? My package had shifted in reaction to the beads.
I didn’t miss how they both followed the movement of my hand. I wonder…
“Well, there’s a lot you can get for both of you, what have you tried in the past?” I asked, directing the question at Jazzy.
God, every time I thought his name I cringed.
Jazzy reminded me of Jazz hands.
Mmm, I knew what Jazzy could do with his hands, on me perhaps….
“I have a, like, standard vibrator and a rabbit, oh and, like, a clit toy that is like pretty useless,” she gushed happily and I wanted to growl. Wasn’t talking to you Snuffaluffagus.
And what was with the ‘like’ business going on?
“And what about you, Jazzy?” I think I did well to hide the gagging noise that was erupting when I said his name. Don’t get me wrong…I liked to gag…on cock. Not a nickname that belonged on a playground.
“Jasper,” he said firmly, his voice suddenly not the only firm thing in the room.
Oh thank the heavens.
Jasper.
It was a cute name.
It reminded me of the cute Casper film.
Let me rephrase, Casper when he turned human, not the ghost Casper.
That would just be too freaky.
Saying that, is admitting that the kid was cute, too freaky? He was what, thirteen?
Sheesh.
“And I don’t have or use any toys,” he grumbled, pulling my thoughts back into the room. Hot guy says what?
“Nothing?” I choked out.
What man didn’t have any toys?
“Nope,” he blushed this cute little shade of red that made my dick want to reach out and greet him.
I ran my tongue bar over the roof of my mouth, watching him shiver at the clicking noise.
God, I wonder what it would be like to run it up and down his shaft? I also wondered if his swollen dick would be the same shade of red or if would be a nice deep purple…
Bad, Edward, that’s naughty thinking that.
I internally chastised myself as I walked closer to them.
“No beads, cuffs, lube even?” I stuttered.
How could he not have toys?!
“Well, we’re going to rectify that, my friend,” I smiled widely as I slapped him playfully on the back and led them to the men’s area.
“What about me and, like, my needs?” Snuffy whimpered slightly and I wanted to gag again.
“Oh don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll get to you soon, but I want to make sure your boy here knows how to please you first,” I joked and she seemed to relax a little bit. Thank fuck.
“Right, Jasper, let’s have a look at what we have for you. Now, what are you looking for? A longer stamina and to hold off on your orgasm-,” I was cut off by the ever so slightly wide eyes and the mini shake of his head.
Oh!
He didn’t like being with the red head.
“…Or something that makes you orgasm faster, but harder?” I finished talking as if I didn’t see his reaction, though I was fist pumping on the inside.
“I wouldn’t mind trying the, erm, harder orgasm thing,” he almost whispered as he cast his eyes towards his partner.
“Excellent, well I have just the thing for you,” I chuckled as I saw him exhale in relief.
“This little thing,” I said proudly as I reached for the toy, “is a cock ring. Now, normally they can hold off orgasms, but this is the next best thing to a male vibrator. It has a built in vibrating nodule that over stimulates you and your partner. Fancy giving it a go?” I asked happily.
Internally I was dreaming about him using it with me…maybe along with the beads.
Chance would be a fine thing.
“So I, like, get off on it too?” Red head butted in and I had to chuckle.
Selfish fucking cow, er, elephant. Whatever the hell that Snuffy thing was.
“Yep,” I replied with a smile.
“I think I might be up for giving it a go,” he replied as his eyes were fixed firmly on my cock. I thrust my hips at him and his baby blues widened again.
Oh yeah, we have a contender.
“Good,” I answered with a smile as I looked at his cock, giving him the clear indication that I liked the look of him and his cock.
“What else do you think we should, like, use?” Snuffy cut in and I wanted to growl at her, and not in a sexy way. Cuntpickle kept trying to throw off my groove.
“Why don’t you take this for now, my treat, and pop back in a few days? If you use too many toys at a time, you will get over sensitized and nothing will work properly,” I smiled sweetly at her and then threw in a wink for good measure.
If I made her sweet, she would bring Jasper back in.
“Really?” she answered like a freaking high school cheerleader and I saw Jasper roll his eyes.
I walked over to the counter to put the toy in a plain black bag.
“So how long have you been married?” I asked as I handed Jasper his bag. I really didn’t want to risk touching her hand.
“Oh, we’re not married yet. We’ve been engaged for, like, six weeks now, but we’ve been together for, like, seven months,” she replied happily.
Fucking hell, seven months and relying on toys to get off already?
Wow.
I was up for men and women having toys, hell, it’s why I have the shop, but to rely on them as a couple?
“That’s cool,” I choked out quietly.
Or not.
Poor Jasper.
I wondered if I could get him to come into the shop anytime soon…on his own. Or maybe not on his own, but on me…
She had already grabbed the bag and started towards the exit. “Well, thanks for coming in. See ya in a few days,” I said hurriedly as I pushed a business card across the counter towards Jasper, who had stopped at my words. He glanced down at it and I nodded silently and gave him a wink.
He blushed again as he palmed the card and slipped it into his front pocket. My eyes followed his hand and I salivated at the outline in his jeans.
“Jazzzzzzyyyy, let’s, like, go,” huffed Snuffy as she stomped her foot. He rolled his eyes and whispered ‘thanks’ to me before he spun on his heel and broke into a jog to catch up to her.
As I watched his fine retreating ass, all I could think was ‘Oh wow, all the things I could teach him…’
